Sunday, May 1, 2011

My Road To Motherhood.

Infertility, IVF, Adoption, Childless, Broken.
These are all words that have been a major part of our lives the last 6 years. We have had a long journey to becoming parents. We feel we have grown as individuals and as a couple due to the trial. We set out just about 6 years ago to start our family. Things didn't go like we had hoped. For some reason I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it on the blog, but anyone who knows me knows I talked about it and shared my emotions about it.
For some reason I knew deep down I would have a difficult time becoming a mom since I was young. However knowing that did not make it any easier. There were countless times I felt so much guilt and put blame on myself for not being able to give Brian a child. It is hard to not get so down and depressed about failed treatments.
We started filling out adoption a couple times. We just couldn't seem to finish. We had done everything except IVF. Well we decided that if we did IVF and it did not work we would adopt and have no regrets. Well IVF worked. We got pregnant in August 2010 with twins.
Now that I was pregnant a whole new stress was added. I was so afraid that something would go wrong. I would imagine any woman who is pregnant is concerned that something can go wrong. So I made sure that I was doing everything I possibly could to take care of myself and the two babies growing inside me.
Since I was pregnant with twins we had ultra sounds every appointment. That was comforting to see them so much.They were doing so well for most of my pregnancy. At around 28 weeks my Dr sent me weekly to get a stress test. I have the best Dr. She really had her eyes on me and was sensing a problem around 33 weeks. I had quite a few symptoms of preeclampsia. So I was sent to the hospital to get the steroid shot to help the lungs develop quicker. That was on Monday the 21st of march. I had to get the shot again on Tuesday. I also received a stress test along with blood work. I was back to my Dr on Thursday. Thursday night was horrible I could not find a comfortable position. I remember crying for part of the night. Well Friday morning we had another stress test. When I got there I casually told the nurse that I was done. The nurse was triggered to start asking me questions. It turned out I was going to have my babies that day. My blood work was bad my urine had protein in it, mixed with major swelling and a head ache. She called my Dr and I was given the choice to deliver or wait 6 hours and run the test again and see if it got better. I had originally wanted to wait. They moved us and I asked my nurse if she was my mom what would she recommend I do. Well we decided to have the babies to keep them and myself safe. So we called my mom and got on the schedule for that afternoon. I had hoped from the beginning of my pregnancy to be able to deliver naturally. Well that was not on the plan. So at 2:01 Addison Allayne was born

Then at 2:02 Mckenzie Meridith was born.

Unfortunately I was not able to see or hold them for 13 hours. Brian was able to go see them in the nursery. We are so lucky they were so healthy. Addison weighed 4lbs 12 oz. Mckenzie weighed 4lbs 5oz. They were breathing great on their own and did not need a feeding tube. They just needed to get efficient at eating to come home. They stayed in the nursery for a week total and we brought them home.

Ok one more pic

We love our sweet girls. Sorry this post is so wordy and long. I hope it makes sense.