Monday, February 24, 2014

Will I keep this blog going???

So much time has passed once again. I keep thinking I will keep up with the blog and somehow I don't. Well Potty training is rough to say the least. I started and stopped multiple times and we are finally potty training Addison. This time she is ready so it is actually working. Dawson in crawling has been for almost a month now.

This post might just be for me to just get some things off my chest so I understand if this post isn't read. Feel free to skip down to pictures and look and how cute my kids are.

Motherhood is so amazing. These children are so great and I am honored to be their mom. I have heard and read by multiple people how hard it is. So I don't feel I entered with rose colored glasses. I have always been a stress case. Heck when I was 17 a Dr told me my headaches were stress related. I didn't really have much going on during that time in my life, how could I be stressed? I just seem to be really struggling with the whole mommy thing. I didn't think lack of sleep would affect me too bad, wrong. I thought of it will be fun to play with my kids all day and cook dinner every night and read tons of book to my kids and I will handle it all gracefully, WRONG. I rarely have a meal prepared on time, playing with my kids is a lot harder than I had thought, I guess being the youngest in my family and not really babysitting a whole lot is catching up on me. I struggle with the thought that sometimes I think to myself this would be so easy if I only had One kid not two or in my case now three. And the guilt I feel daily is all consuming, I feel that there is so much more I need to be doing and either don't  have the energy or patience or knowledge to do the things I think I should be doing. I just feel so overwhelmed constantly. I don't even feel like a good member of the church these days. Let me just say GUILT there too. I don't feel like I am living up to so many mothers around me and the many great examples that I have had around me through the years. I really try not to compare myself with others and for the most part I do ok with not doing that. I just wonder how do moms do it? How do they keep it together?

I have the most amazing husband too. He is always giving me time to get away when needed. So why do I feel so stressed most of the time?

Any way here are some photos of my kiddos.

Dawson at his 9 month check up.

We went to Disneyland in November.


Harlin Family said...

Gina, in my experience being a mother is hard. If I'm being honest it can be tiring and monotonous. I've never felt so stressed, guilty and angry more in my life. You are not alone! Honestly, I think most mom's struggle you just don't always see it. If you were to get a bunch of mom's in a room and have a discussion about being a mom you would probably hear a lot of the same concerns and struggles. Everyday I wonder if I am ruining my kids. I've never loved so much and felt so frustrated at the same time. I've thought about going to a counselor just to learn how to cope with the stress in a healthy way. Hang in there. You aren't the only one that feels this way. We are our own worst critics. Don't be too hard on yourself. :)You are doing the most important and hardest job in the world. Remember Satan doesn't want us to succeed so he is constantly bombarding us so we fail. Seriously, I understand you post and feelings completely as would any other mom. BTW, your kids are adorable! :)

Trent and Mel said...

Hey Gina...Do keep up your blog. I think blogs are more personal and you hear the story behind the pictures. Your family is adorable...and Rachelle said it perfectly. I only have the two kids and I feel like my whole life is running around after them, feeding them, cleaning after them....which it is. It can be crazy but this time will pass so just take it day by day. I know you are a fantastic mom!

Sarah said...

First- NO mother of small children has it all together. Anyone that looks like they do is really good at pretending. Anyway, I wish I'd seen this before I saw you this week! I think you are SO brave to write this post. I often feel this way, too, but don't publicly let others know for fear of my parents, whom don't support our desire to have children right now, to say "I told you so."

Can I be completely candid? A therapist might help. While I haven't personally been ot he Fresno's LDS Fam Services I have heard AMAZING things about a brother/therapist there. After each of my kids I ended up seeing someone, and it helped a lot.

I don't think anyone ever loves reading the same book over and over again, or wiping butts, or cleaning messes. But then those same crazy kids go to sleep and you peek in on them at night and, wow, they are so angelic. I often think Heavenly Father made sleeping kids look so sweet just to recharge my heart for the following day when they are anything but sweet.

PLEASE if ever you want to drop all 3 kiddos off at my house, do. It helps my kids to have playmates, and when I have felt overwhelmed just like you currently do others have stepped in and taken my kids. So let me pay it forward. <3

Lastly, are you trying your hardest? It certainly sounds like you are! Then there is no need to feel guilt. Heavenly Father loves YOU, just as you are.